In regards to Carmel McCallam - MP Greens Party Australia

In regards to Carmel McCallam.

I am a second wife. My husband had literally nothing when I met him,
he did not even own his own bed. He told me of his life before his
divorce. For my husband and many like him, there is a before and
after, before divorce then after. Before his divorce, he had a home,
he was working, he had furniture and money in the bank. He got to
see his children every day, hug them, kiss them, talk to them, parent
them. After the divorce, he had his son for 2 1/2 years, to cut it
short, the Judge that heard his case, talked a lot about Status Quo,
which was hypocritical, as the status quo would have been to allow my
husband to retain his son in his custody, his daughter's to stay with
their mother and to share alternative weekends, with the children
being together on weekends, one at their mother's, the other at their
father's.

Mother's who are seen to be having difficulty parenting are offered
parenting courses, yet retain custody. Father's simply lose custody
and are restricted as to how much time they can spend with their
children.

My husband has not seen his children in 7 years. He will get no help
from the legal community in trying to regain contact, to be brief, my
husband's ex took their children out of state while my husband's
access was suspended, yes due to his own actions, he refused one day
to return his son to her, as his son said he did not want to return
to his mother's. My understanding of the law is even if access is
suspended, it is still a court order, and was to be respected. By
taking the children out of state, this breeched the order, BUT
instead of enforcing the law, the courts simply ignored it, and now
refuse to assist in any way, because of the length of time. They
disregard that we have approached them several times over the course
of 5 years, and got no assistance, which has lengthened the time, and
now that is used against my husband.

I live with his divorce everyday.

I live with the ghosts of his first marriage.

My husband and I will not have a child together, because he is
fearful of losing another child he loves.

My husband is wary of buying a house, of establishing anything,
because he does not want to put everything into anything, then see it
disappear again. He does not want to start all over like he had to
before.

If he makes any money at all, despite the fact he would use it to
support his family, CSA ensures his ex wife has her cut. This angers
me, that we would go without, while money hard earned by our efforts,
our sacrifices, will be handed to her to support her in her chosen
lifestyle.

I do not resent him paying child support, I think it is only fair,
YET, this money does not go to the child, it is given to the mother.
Fair enough when the child is under the age of 15, but once they are
16, it should go to them. I do feel child support should be put in
TRUST for the child, and only accessed to purchase clothes, pay
school fee's and any other essential needs for the child, rather than
paid directly over to the mother. Most mother's recieve a parenting
payment, which is paid to support the child, to be honest, this money
is to provide a roof over the child's head, food, clothing, a bed,
for their schooling and other daily needs. Yet some mother's use
this money paid to them by CSA as a lifestyle, for their own needs
and wants, NOT the child's.

I also feel Child support should be paid in proportion to how much
time the paying parent spends with the child. Quite simply, some
mothers, like my husband's ex, take the children away, prevent the
other parent from seeing the children, yet still get paid by the
parent who no longer see's their children. In cases like this, CSA
should suspend all child support payments and also establish a debt
for the length of time the custodial parent keeps the children away
from the paying parent, to discourage interstate abduction and abuse
of the current CSA system.

I am aware there are the paying parents out there that have no
interest in seeing their child, exceptions can be made in those
cases. It must be proven that the paying parent has made no effort,
to discourage those who would take advantage by saying they want to
see their child, just to use a loophole. They must prove a
relationship, and one that is productive and benificial to the child.

Only in the cases where there is PROVEN domestic abuse, the child is
the product of rape or incest, should there be more leniency.

Children deserve BOTH parents. they are NOT trophies, spoils of war,
they are not a meal ticket. Children are currently being used by
many warring parents to hurt the other, some parents are so blinded
by their personal feelings towards the other parent, they forget
their children's feelings and needs. BOTH parents need to
acknowledge the value the other parent has. Children need BOTH
parents, they deserve to be secure in the knowledge that BOTH parents
love them, and not feel that they have to chose, feel the guilt that
is shoved upon them by forcing them to take sides.

Children do not suffer from being loved, a child cannot have enough
love.

It is time the Law fixed those cases like my husband's, not continue
to aid and abet the parent that callously removed the children by
refusing to help.

My husband has the custody papers, LEGAL papers giving him RIGHTS.
Yet the very system that is supposed to UPHOLD these papers,
refuses.

My husband's ex gets to hug those children, kiss them, talk to them,
see them daily. My husband gets the odd message from the children
through his parents, often feeling they just say what they do as
comfort to him. He gets the crumbs.

The irony, if this had only happened 6 months ago, he could have a
recovery order, location order and his children would restored to
him. But because of a non sympathetic system, one that failed
numerous father's, becasue the orders are 7 yrs old, and because he
was NOT informed, he had nowhere to turn and no support, he has
effectively lost his children for the forseeable future.

It is too long says legal Aid. Yet 5 years ago when we first
approached them, it was not, YET we were turned away. We have been
trying to get access restored to my husband for 5 YEARS, and were
TURNED away everytime.

Just to be able to talk to them on the phone, send them Xmas cards
and presents, say Happy birthday to them, send them a card and
presents, would mean so much to him, and to me, as i would see the
sadness in his eyes vanish. Yet, because the LAW refuses to uphold
LEGAL papers, this will be denied to him.

So, when you hug your children, kiss them, talk to them, spare a
thought for men like my husband that would give anything just to be
able to do this just once.

Father's deserve equal rights, they deserve to be able to parent and
to have it enforced.

from "Ms Bevaving