Geldof: My grief at losing my girls
from another group...
Quote: [Geldof] says the discovery that the law was "skewed" in Yates's favour - just because she was a woman - plunged him into an "ocean of grief." "It freaked me out. I could not live without my kids. I missed the sound of them turning in their sleep. I just wanted to go to some dark, grey corner of the world and howl into the void."
The poverty campaigner and musician complains in a forthcoming TV interview that he was subjected to anti-male bias when he sought custody of his three daughters after Big Breakfast star Yates left him for her doomed romance with singer Michael Hutchence.
In an interview with American TV host Daphne Barak, airing on the eve of next month's G8 summit, he says the discovery that the law was "skewed" in Yates's favour - just because she was a woman - plunged him into an "ocean of grief."
"It freaked me out," he told Barak. "I could not live without my kids. I missed the sound of them turning in their sleep. I just wanted to go to some dark, grey corner of the world and howl into the void.
"The key in my pocket still fit in the door, but I was no longer allowed (to put) this key in the door and go into my home.
"It's very hard to get your head around that. I went to the door, and I was too humiliated to knock on my own front door.
"That's my house, my home, my children. I could hear them laughing in there. I was too scared of (knocking) and one of my kids opening the door and saying 'Hi Dad' and not being allowed to let me in.
"I didn't want to impose that on them. I didn't want it to happen to me. I didn't want her to come to the door and say, 'What are you doing here? You're not allowed to come here.'"
"So, I went back out, and I sat in the car and I just cried. I just stayed and watched their bedroom lights go off, and I went home. That shouldn't happen to anyone.
"If you put impediments in the way of men seeing their children - making them jump through all sorts of humiliating hoops - the kids become a weapon, a sword and a shield simultaneously.
"You're suffering so much. Eventually, no person can take that and the kids lose a father. It is hurtful."
Geldof, 55, finally was awarded custody of Fifi, Pixie and their sister, the model, Peaches, following a 1996 drug raid on the house where Yates and Hutchence were living.
After his ex-wife died in 2000 from a heroin overdose and Hutchence was found hanged, he adopted the tragic couple's daughter, Tiger Lily.
"What's she got to do with any of the mess?" he told Barak.
"She should be with those she knows and loves. She's a hoot. She's gorgeous."
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Comments
Anyone who has had to use the 'family courts' to try to retain or maintain contact and access to children, who they are bonded with, will be well aware of the extreme difficulties of doing so, or in being enabled to do so, within the existing adversarial process.
It is the children who are being made to suffer. Too often they are being isolated from the bona fide people who they are bonded with and who matter to them.
There are many things which could and should be put in place, before the use of 'the law' which could and would assist the children to retain their established attachments, at the time of family breakdown or crisis, which would help stop the children being 'isolated'.
The experience of Bob Geldof is common to many.
When will the 'Law Lords' recognise that there is something amiss, in aspects of the 'family justice system' which is failing so many children.
When will the will be shown by 'The Law Experts' to put things right?
For the sake of the children.
- Tessa Boo, London
Welcome to the real world, Bob. Why do you think "Fathers for Justice" was setup? Now Cherie Blair is saying that women are more important than men because she is calling for MOTHERS not to be thrown in Gaol! So much for equality!
- Danny, Pendine, Wales
My experiences mirror Bob Geldof's so enough said. The family courts are cynically biassed and Cafcass officers lie in order to influence Judges to award residence, in the main, to the mother, whatever the children say. My son went to see his own Solicitor (at 12 years) in order to get his wish to live with me. Cafcass also encouraged my ex to abduct my children for no reason. This was proved in court and the female Cafcass officer was mildly rebuked (!). Naked bias and cynical manipulation of children's lives is occurring which amounts to child abuse by the courts, and other agencies. The financial decision too was grossly skewed. My ex was given a guaranteed LUMP SUM; not a percentage. Leaving me to pay off the mortgage from my very minor share. The female Judge did not consider the needs of me and my resident son. I was by far the major wage earner and paid the mortgage; ex was mainly low paid part time. Do the words "sell out" resonate with other men re SOLICITORS? And other words?
- Jeff Baynham, High Wycombe, UK
Bob's experience, I am sorry, is one many a father has to endure. They complain about fathers abandoning their children has anyone asked the question why? From going to court for over 8 years to try and get good contact arrangements, and to stop the ex abusing our daughter to hate me we are no more forward than we were 8 years ago.
But a child psychologist has established my daughter is abused, and my ex has admitted that she does not want contact, what's happening? Nothing to the mother she can carry on abusing, Judge said nothing, sounds like it's accepted practise by a woman. I see my daughter 0.006% and she is still abused.
Perhaps not many would be as faithful to a daughter and would have given up, since no cares and no one does anything.
- John Thomas, Swindon UK
It's so easy to criticise others these days when looking closer to home might be more effective. I am a divorced father and have both 'our' children living with me as this was the only way they would see both parents. It was hard on them and me having to take on the antiquated legal system and show them that the common sense principle should be applied rather then the standard cookie cutter principle that seems to dominate these days.
Parental alienation still goes on post divorce but at least this way the children can talk about their concerns in a secure home environment. We try hard to normalise things as best we can and whilst others can sit back and pull people to bits children have problems, especially celebrity children, within marriage and sometimes we are too quick to blame this on single parents.
If this county is doing such a great job of bringing up children why did we score so poorly in the recently published Amnesty report?
- Dave, UK
Bob Geldof is right. In the space of two months, I have gone from being a father who did everything for his son and spent time with him every day to one who hasn't seen him for a month and won't see him until his Mum decides to let me.
- Andy, UK
I echo the experiences of Bob Geldof. I have been fighting for our daughter's rights to see her father for 2 years now. When I first split from my wife our daughter didn't see her father for 6 months 25% of her lifetime as she was 2 at the time. Yet my wife's new partner was able to bath her, change her, take her out whenever he wanted and act in every respect the father that I could not be. Unfortunatley, my experience of the Family Courts are that the Judges will not find whatsoever against the mother. Any suggestion that the Mother could possibly want to deliberatley limit contact with the child's father is not explored. I don't know why this is. In my case the court think it's appropriate for a father to have one night's staying contact every 2 weeks and 3 hours every Wednesday afernoon. This is the equivalent to only 10% of her time spent with her natural father. Our daughter like so many children in the UK will be limited to this until the Courts change their gender bias.
- Andy Cox, East Grinstead, West Sussex
Well done Bob - it is important to keep this matter in the public eye. I fought through the courts for 6 years in a bid to stay in contact with my son now aged 8. The courts and Cafcass failed us and as a result my son has not seen me for nearly three years. I am not alone - thousands of children have lost willing and loving fathers as a result of the failings and bias of the secret family court system. The courts need to be made publicly accountable for their weak and destructive decisions and their unrelenting bias against men.
- Paul Hillier, Oxford
posted by TheFamilyCourtPhenomenon @ 5:34 PM
