Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Geldof: My grief at losing my girls

from another group...

Quote: [Geldof] says the discovery that the law was "skewed" in Yates's favour - just because she was a woman - plunged him into an "ocean of grief." "It freaked me out. I could not live without my kids. I missed the sound of them turning in their sleep. I just wanted to go to some dark, grey corner of the world and howl into the void."

Daily Mail
14th May 2007
Geldof: My grief at losing my girls
By Sharon Churcher
Bob Geldof has launched an emotional attack on custody laws that forced him to "jump through humiliating hoops" during his bitter divorce from his late wife Paula Yates.

The poverty campaigner and musician complains in a forthcoming TV interview that he was subjected to anti-male bias when he sought custody of his three daughters after Big Breakfast star Yates left him for her doomed romance with singer Michael Hutchence.

Bob Geldolf interview
Bob with American TV journalist Daphne Barak in the revealing interview
Geldolf family
Bob Geldolf and former wife Paula Yates (left), Bob with daughters Peaches, Pixie and Fifi Trixibelle

In an interview with American TV host Daphne Barak, airing on the eve of next month's G8 summit, he says the discovery that the law was "skewed" in Yates's favour - just because she was a woman - plunged him into an "ocean of grief."

"It freaked me out," he told Barak. "I could not live without my kids. I missed the sound of them turning in their sleep. I just wanted to go to some dark, grey corner of the world and howl into the void.

Geldolf family
The Geldof family dining at RYO in Soho earlier this year

"The key in my pocket still fit in the door, but I was no longer allowed (to put) this key in the door and go into my home.

"It's very hard to get your head around that. I went to the door, and I was too humiliated to knock on my own front door.

"That's my house, my home, my children. I could hear them laughing in there. I was too scared of (knocking) and one of my kids opening the door and saying 'Hi Dad' and not being allowed to let me in.

"I didn't want to impose that on them. I didn't want it to happen to me. I didn't want her to come to the door and say, 'What are you doing here? You're not allowed to come here.'"

"So, I went back out, and I sat in the car and I just cried. I just stayed and watched their bedroom lights go off, and I went home. That shouldn't happen to anyone.

"If you put impediments in the way of men seeing their children - making them jump through all sorts of humiliating hoops - the kids become a weapon, a sword and a shield simultaneously.

"You're suffering so much. Eventually, no person can take that and the kids lose a father. It is hurtful."

Geldof, 55, finally was awarded custody of Fifi, Pixie and their sister, the model, Peaches, following a 1996 drug raid on the house where Yates and Hutchence were living.

After his ex-wife died in 2000 from a heroin overdose and Hutchence was found hanged, he adopted the tragic couple's daughter, Tiger Lily.

"What's she got to do with any of the mess?" he told Barak.

"She should be with those she knows and loves. She's a hoot. She's gorgeous."

----------------

Comments

Anyone who has had to use the 'family courts' to try to retain or maintain contact and access to children, who they are bonded with, will be well aware of the extreme difficulties of doing so, or in being enabled to do so, within the existing adversarial process.

It is the children who are being made to suffer. Too often they are being isolated from the bona fide people who they are bonded with and who matter to them.

There are many things which could and should be put in place, before the use of 'the law' which could and would assist the children to retain their established attachments, at the time of family breakdown or crisis, which would help stop the children being 'isolated'.
The experience of Bob Geldof is common to many.

When will the 'Law Lords' recognise that there is something amiss, in aspects of the 'family justice system' which is failing so many children.

When will the will be shown by 'The Law Experts' to put things right?

For the sake of the children.

- Tessa Boo, London

Welcome to the real world, Bob. Why do you think "Fathers for Justice" was setup? Now Cherie Blair is saying that women are more important than men because she is calling for MOTHERS not to be thrown in Gaol! So much for equality!

- Danny, Pendine, Wales

My experiences mirror Bob Geldof's so enough said. The family courts are cynically biassed and Cafcass officers lie in order to influence Judges to award residence, in the main, to the mother, whatever the children say. My son went to see his own Solicitor (at 12 years) in order to get his wish to live with me. Cafcass also encouraged my ex to abduct my children for no reason. This was proved in court and the female Cafcass officer was mildly rebuked (!). Naked bias and cynical manipulation of children's lives is occurring which amounts to child abuse by the courts, and other agencies. The financial decision too was grossly skewed. My ex was given a guaranteed LUMP SUM; not a percentage. Leaving me to pay off the mortgage from my very minor share. The female Judge did not consider the needs of me and my resident son. I was by far the major wage earner and paid the mortgage; ex was mainly low paid part time. Do the words "sell out" resonate with other men re SOLICITORS? And other words?

- Jeff Baynham, High Wycombe, UK

Bob's experience, I am sorry, is one many a father has to endure. They complain about fathers abandoning their children has anyone asked the question why? From going to court for over 8 years to try and get good contact arrangements, and to stop the ex abusing our daughter to hate me we are no more forward than we were 8 years ago.

But a child psychologist has established my daughter is abused, and my ex has admitted that she does not want contact, what's happening? Nothing to the mother she can carry on abusing, Judge said nothing, sounds like it's accepted practise by a woman. I see my daughter 0.006% and she is still abused.

Perhaps not many would be as faithful to a daughter and would have given up, since no cares and no one does anything.

- John Thomas, Swindon UK

It's so easy to criticise others these days when looking closer to home might be more effective. I am a divorced father and have both 'our' children living with me as this was the only way they would see both parents. It was hard on them and me having to take on the antiquated legal system and show them that the common sense principle should be applied rather then the standard cookie cutter principle that seems to dominate these days.

Parental alienation still goes on post divorce but at least this way the children can talk about their concerns in a secure home environment. We try hard to normalise things as best we can and whilst others can sit back and pull people to bits children have problems, especially celebrity children, within marriage and sometimes we are too quick to blame this on single parents.

If this county is doing such a great job of bringing up children why did we score so poorly in the recently published Amnesty report?

- Dave, UK

Bob Geldof is right. In the space of two months, I have gone from being a father who did everything for his son and spent time with him every day to one who hasn't seen him for a month and won't see him until his Mum decides to let me.

- Andy, UK

I echo the experiences of Bob Geldof. I have been fighting for our daughter's rights to see her father for 2 years now. When I first split from my wife our daughter didn't see her father for 6 months 25% of her lifetime as she was 2 at the time. Yet my wife's new partner was able to bath her, change her, take her out whenever he wanted and act in every respect the father that I could not be. Unfortunatley, my experience of the Family Courts are that the Judges will not find whatsoever against the mother. Any suggestion that the Mother could possibly want to deliberatley limit contact with the child's father is not explored. I don't know why this is. In my case the court think it's appropriate for a father to have one night's staying contact every 2 weeks and 3 hours every Wednesday afernoon. This is the equivalent to only 10% of her time spent with her natural father. Our daughter like so many children in the UK will be limited to this until the Courts change their gender bias.

- Andy Cox, East Grinstead, West Sussex

Well done Bob - it is important to keep this matter in the public eye. I fought through the courts for 6 years in a bid to stay in contact with my son now aged 8. The courts and Cafcass failed us and as a result my son has not seen me for nearly three years. I am not alone - thousands of children have lost willing and loving fathers as a result of the failings and bias of the secret family court system. The courts need to be made publicly accountable for their weak and destructive decisions and their unrelenting bias against men.

- Paul Hillier, Oxford

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Lockout in Star Chamber for stars' custody case

Lockout in Star Chamber for stars' custody case

To all,
Can you imagine the mayhem if all courts were secret, all Judges unaccountable?

The Renate Lisa Mokbel is an example of their arrogance - putting her behind bars because a court order prevented her from selling up to pay the bond she posted for her brother in law.
If they're prepared to do this openly think what they get up to secretly.

We all know that power corrupts and that Judges can be brutal if no body's checking up on them.

The media is one key way to stop them from brutalising people, as they did regularly in the old days (public floggings of convicts, sometimes prior to execution etc.).

Unfortunately the culture of the Courts is based on respect and tradition. A man who objects to their child's treatment is usually regarded as being disrespectful.

Disrespect gets punished mercilessly if Courts are unaccountable - especially when the court has at its disposal the cruelest punishment of them all - hurting the man's children (which we see being done on a regular basis).

Having control of a parent's access to their children is the ultimate power. It should never be allowed to be used to crush a man who shows disrespect or to further ideological agendas that serve one gender at the expense of the other.

I am appalled by the judiciary's attitude to accountability and justice both here and overseas.

We must fight this scourge at every opportunity.

Regards,
Simon Hunt
Equal time parenting after separation - the solution that removes the problem.
NB: To be removed from the PARENTS AGAINST CHILD ABUSE email list please email me immediately.
From: Simon
To: Simon
Sent: Monday, May 07, 2007 7:22 AM
Subject: Evil veil of secrecy falls on Alec Balwin and his daughter - in the best interests of the child of course

The evil veil of secrecy falls on Alec Balwin and his daughter - in the best interests of the child of course.
They've already caused this problem. Now they want their decisions hidden. So much for public scrutiny of the courts.
Regards,
Simon Hunt
PARENTS AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
Mornington
Phone: +61 (0)3 5973 6933
Mobile: 0414 415 693
vascopajama@dodo.com.au
http://mumsdadsandkidsagainstsolecust.blogspot.com/
http://thefamilycourtphenomenon.blogspot.com/
email@dashlite.com.au
Equal time parenting after separation - the solution that removes the problem.
NB: To be removed from the PARENTS AGAINST CHILD ABUSE email list please email me immediately.

THE custody feud between actors Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger is now being held behind closed doors.

A commissioner has ordered lawyers not to talk about the case and has banned members of the public from attending the hearing.
Superior Court Commissioner Maren Nelson said media coverage of the dispute between Baldwin and Basinger had been "emotionally traumatic" for their 11-year-old daughter, Ireland.
"This is only about the wellbeing of the child and nothing else," Ms Nelson said.
Baldwin's attorney, Vicki Greene, refused to discuss reports that the hearing had changed Baldwin's visitation rights after a phone voicemail of him lashing out at
his daughter was leaked.
A June 5 hearing will try to establish who leaked the tape to the media.
AP

Child-hiding dad wants court changes

To all,
This man is a fire brand!!
He's planning his moves carefully
He has acheived more in a few days that all of us have over years and years!!

Equal time parenting after separation - the solution that removes the problem.
The Sydney Morning Herald
5 May 2007

Child-hiding dad wants court changes
http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/Childhiding-Dad-wants-court-changes/2007/05/05/1177788469291.html

AAP - The father who sparked a nationwide search for his children when he
failed to return them from an access visit plans to campaign for courts to
better honour the rights of children.

Murray Robertson, 59, created national headlines this week when he gave
himself up to police after being on the run with his three children for six
weeks.

The children, Bokkie, 10, Matilda, nine and seven-year-old Barney have
since been reunited with their mother, Philippa Yelland.

Mr Robertson handed himself in to police in Launceston last Thursday after
The Family Court took the unusual step of publicly naming his children and
releasing their photographs.

Speaking from Tasmania, Mr Robertson said he would go to the Family Court
in Melbourne on Monday to appeal to the chief justice to give greater
credence to the wishes of children.

He said he had been given a "rare opportunity" by the events of the last
week to speak for the hundreds of thousands of children at the centre of
custody disputes, and accused the courts of "over simplification" by asking
children to choose between parents.

"This is not about custody," Mr Robertson told AAP.

"The children put me second on their list. Number one on their list is
their home, their friends, their school, the waterfalls and camping spots
nearby. That is where they want to be."

Mr Robertson said courts failed to adhere to the International Convention
on the Rights of the Child, to which Australia was a signatory.

He said guidelines issued by the Family Court for child representatives
were also ignored by the legal fraternity.

"Either one parent or another is given custody, and the children then
become effectively a prisoner of that parent," he said.

"If that parent wishes to ... they are given an absolute right to enforce
everything that they want to and the child still has no right."

Admitting he had "no idea" when he would next see his children, Mr
Robertson said he had received widespread support over his actions of the
last week.

He denied being a member of the religious movement The Family, but
confirmed he had attended its church services and had friends in the group.

He said he planned to take his message to Canberra and Brisbane after
campaigning outside the Family Law Courts in Melbourne on Monday.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Roberston Cild Custody Case Videos

Roberston Cild Custody Case Videos

Fri May 4, 2007 6:31 am (PST)

I've posted two videos on YouTube of Channel Nine News Sydney and A
Current Affair's coverage of the Murray Robertson "child abduction"
Story that's been making news here in Australia over the past few
Days. It's great to see a father's side of the story for a change.
Greg Andresen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HudTNvXYZk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKEuaSuMW9k



Also see Dr Warren Farrell recent Interviews.

Greg A. has sent the web addresses of two interviews (video) from Dr Warren Farrell which provide compelling arguments as to - not only why equal residency should be considered in cases where there is conflict between the parents, but that it is especially important in these cases.
"There is also a compelling reason why the existence of conflict between the parents, as distinct from abuse of the children, should actually be a positive reason to grant equal residency. In separations that have developed into two highly antagonistic camps, if one parent gets a vast majority of the time that 'majority of time' by itself tends to pull the child into that parents camp."

https://secure2.convio.net/acfc/media/video/2006nflrc/ka/ka-farrell.wmv

https://secure2.convio.net/acfc/media/video/2006nflrc/iv3/iv3-farrell.wmv
Geoff Holalnd. Cairns.Australia

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